Your Support Crew: Boundaries

Understand when to step in and when to step back.

Becoming a bride-to-be isn’t only an exciting time for the engaged couple – chances are, your family and friends are going to be over the moon for you both as well.

Above all other people in your life, your mother/s are going to be ecstatic – seeing their ‘babies’ grown up, committing to a life of love and a beautiful union – is what most parents dream of.

Communication is key when it comes to planning your big day with family members, especially your mums. Remember that most mums are just as excited as you are, and all of their actions are coming from a place of love.

To avoid any breakdowns between mum and daughter/daughter-in-law, here are a few tips to maintain a loving and beautiful relationship in the lead up to the big day. For the brides to be AND the mummas out there we hope you find this helpful!

For the brides:
Communicate clearly
Take your mum out to lunch to celebrate your engagement, but also use it as an opportunity to communicate where you would like her help and where help isn’t necessary.

For some of you, you will appreciate all the help you can get – and for others, you would prefer minimal involvement from your mum or mother in law to be.

Whatever the case, and remember it is your choice as it is YOUR day, be sure to outline this clearly to them as early as possible, to avoid any miscommunication.

Outline boundaries
Be very clear when it comes to boundaries – these don’t have to be seen as negative and are in fact really productive to ensure everyone is on the same page.

For example, if you and your fiancé aren’t seeking any suggestions or guidance when it comes to the big day, say so. It can be as simple as:
“Thanks so much mum for your suggestions, we love how excited you are. We have that part covered, but what do you think about *insert different idea here*.”

This is a polite and loving way of setting a boundary without hurting any feelings or making any excuses.

Also remember to compromise – maybe they can help out with an engagement celebration, or the kitchen tea, rather than the wedding itself. Involve your mum in some way, big or small, as it is the one time in her life she gets to see you get married.
 

Accept help graciously
If you do need the help, and it is being offered to you, don’t feel guilty for accepting it. Your mum is there for a reason – if she is offering her assistance, it is because she truly wants to help you. How special is that?

Make sure you let her know how much it means to you, and how grateful you are for her involvement.

Gift her something on the big day
 It is tradition to offer your mum, and your mother-in-law, a small gift on the day of the wedding – thanking them both for all of the work and love they have given you and your fiancé in the lead up to your special day.

Think outside the box – this doesn’t have to be an expensive gift – a photo album of special memories, or a beautiful hand written letter is sentimental and will mean the world to them.

For the mums:
Offer support
Chances are your daughter is going to be bombarded with a million ideas, stresses and people offering assistance all at once.

Choose a time to take her out for a coffee, sit down, and see where her head is at with planning. Offer your support in whatever way she needs – but try not to bombard her with your own thoughts and ideas. If she wants to know these things, remember she WILL ask you.

All she needs to know is that you are there for her.
If the stress management isn’t quite going to plan try out some of our tips and tricks READ HERE

Respect boundaries
Remember that this is HER special day, and as much as you want to help, and have plenty of ideas and things to suggest for her, respect any boundaries she puts in place.

These are not to hurt you, and should not be taken personally – they are about making things as stress free and easy for her special day.

Be there to talk it out
Chances are there may be a few stressful moments in the lead up to the big day – be sure to offer her support by way of a space for her to come and talk it out with you.

She may not even want advice and just need someone to talk to. This is when mum comes to the rescue! Check in with her every week or so to see how she is going, make sure she is looking after herself and offer any help she may need (and remember if she says no, then she means it. Don’t take it personally.)

What is your number one tip for brides to be managing their mum-zillas? How did your mum help you in the lead up to your special day?

To make an appointment with our Wellness Expert:
Bondi Beach: 02 8897 0077
Bondi Junction: 02 9386 4411
Email: [email protected]

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